Advice | Miss Manners: After 30 years, an old friend is still a show-off

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Expensive Miss Manners: I’m in my 50s and don’t have anybody I can name an actual pal. My closest pal of 37 years handed away a bit over a 12 months in the past. Evidently, I’m heartbroken.

An acquaintance from my previous lately reconnected with me by e-mail. Whereas she was a really enjoyable journey buddy in our youthful days, she was additionally a braggart, telling false tales to make herself sound higher.

I used to have lots of people asking me, “Why on this planet would you wish to be round that lady and her horrible repute?” However I at all times felt that there was a really candy, misguided younger lady beneath all of it.

By way of our many emails as of late, I can inform that she is bragging once more, about skilled issues this time (she is now married). After I e-mail her, I reminisce fondly concerning the many journeys we took collectively in our 20s. I ask pleasant questions and inform her that I’d like to see her once more. Her responses, 9 instances out of 10, are solely about her job. It’s virtually like she simply desires somebody to talk at, not with.

My questions go with out a solution, regardless that I don’t ask something remotely prying. She simply talks about her job, or how rotten her husband was the night time earlier than. (The following e-mail will probably be about her job, and the way candy her husband was the night time earlier than.)

At this level, I’ve given up on ever getting collectively. Our “relationship” may be very very like the one we had in our 20s.

What ought to I say to her? I don’t wish to be imply or impolite, however I assumed she was over herself.

It’s a pitiful reality that it’s typically much more lonely to be with somebody who treats you poorly than to really be alone. Miss Manners is afraid that such is the case right here.

This individual appears too wrapped up in her personal world to be in an actual friendship with you, and after 30 years, she has proved that nothing you do will shake her out of it. Miss Manners subsequently suggests that you simply put your vitality and time into some new actions or hobbies — for distraction, but additionally to assist construct new friendships.

She’s going to problem one warning, nevertheless: Don’t become involved in your new buddies’ marital issues. Friendship 101 decrees that one merely pay attention and help — and by no means weigh in about anybody’s rotten husband. Even whether it is warranted.

Expensive Miss Manners: There are such a lot of ladies exhibiting their bra straps. I feel it’s unattractive! What do you assume?

That it’s best to do your best to not discover.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by Saturday on You’ll be able to ship inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, You too can comply with her @RealMissManners.

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