Advice | Miss Manners: Declining a wedding shower invitation, not sending a gift

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Pricey Miss Manners: How can I politely ship regrets to an invite to a coin bathe (a bathe the place you give cash as a substitute of items) with out feeling obligated to ship a contribution? (I plan to present a money wedding ceremony reward, because the couple requested.)

The bathe invitation gives a cellphone quantity and an tackle in one other state. I don’t know the hosts. Is it gauche to answer by textual content?

“Coin bathe”? And this, Miss Manners is to grasp, is just the warm-up to the “money tsunami” that’s the wedding ceremony? How charming.

However you solely requested about how you can ship your reply. A textual content might be advantageous, given the informal circumstances. However a handwritten response is all the time higher — if solely to indicate that the company are much less gauche than the one that selected that sort of bathe.

Pricey Miss Manners: My husband could be very useful, and he works for himself flipping homes and doing development. Each time we get near new folks, they appear to anticipate him to repair their residence wants: leaking plumbing, doorways that stick, any residence upkeep that they don’t know how you can deal with.

What’s a well mannered strategy to say no? We really feel particularly uncomfortable after we know somebody isn’t in place financially. He all the time finally ends up saying sure, resentfully, and now he doesn’t need to make any new buddies in any respect as a result of all of them appear to need to use him as their private handyman.

He has no real interest in doing their work in any method — not free or for cash. He has sufficient on his plate!

And that proper there is the well mannered strategy to say no: “I’m very sorry, however Scott is simply so busy proper now, he doesn’t have any further time — even to assist out a pal. I’m certain that you simply, as an overworked and exhausted (insert asker’s occupation) perceive how treasured any time away from work is.”

Miss Manners’s hope is that irrespective of the occupation of your brazen new pal, they are going to simply be capable to relate to the objection of offering free labor.

Pricey Miss Manners: We had a pal go to us from out of city. She instructed us she wish to take us out to dinner one night and requested us to decide on a restaurant. We selected a really reasonably priced place that we knew and appreciated. When the meal was over and our pal was given the invoice, she exclaimed on the whole, making feedback about how expensive it was, how eating places cost a lot, and many others.

I used to be mortified. Once I regained my energy of speech, I stammered that I used to be so sorry and provided to pay for our meals. She refused, however saved occurring and on about the fee, prefer it was a joke all of us shared.

I lastly bought up and left the desk on the pretense of displaying our toddler a parade that was passing by. How may I’ve dealt with this extra gracefully?

In case your pal was not ready to pay for even a reasonably priced restaurant, she mustn’t have proposed that you simply select it. Nonetheless, Miss Manners means that subsequent time, you give your pal a number of choices and have her select one herself. That, or keep on with eating places which can be on the native parade route.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday by way of Saturday on You may ship inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, You can too observe her @RealMissManners.

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